LICKITY SPLIT

By Mirra Fine, NYC

My roommate thinks I humanize the dogs that I walk. It could be because I come home every night with sordid tales of jealousy, backstabbing and romantic entanglement that make up the canine soap opera that I call "my job".

Lately, this four-legged comedic melodrama has taken a sharp and unexpected turn. For the past few weeks, something has been off. Mostly, I’m concerned that some of my furry clients have become drunk with power, and are taking a few liberties previously untouched by the New York Pooch Patrol clan. My kindness and generosity are being overlooked and, frankly, I’m being taken for granted. Although he is not alone, the main area of distress comes from Sammy (the Chocolate Lab), who has clearly forgotten the chronological order and “routine” of the dog walk.

The typical routine, is a complicated "give and take" from the walker and walkee. It’s an intricate dance, if you will, between the dog and his humble traveling companion. The duet involves a myriad of physical cues, eye movements and high-pitched noises, and the only way it can be completed successfully, is if each partner is a willing, cooperative and eager participant.

You see, at the first meeting, the dog and his walker enter a sacred bond. Upon agreement to share this special time together, the two are signing into an unspoken contract to adhere to the rules of the daily jaunt. No matter the number of legs, each participant holds equally important roles in the sanctity and quality of each walk. If one member fails to live up to his or her responsibilities, the seemingly beautiful and peaceful stroll can turn into an ugly and frigid trek.

Most dogs are familiar with the routine. When they hear the key turn, they are ready, by the door, leash in mouth...wagging, with the type of passion you just don't see anymore. Usually, we'll take a few minutes to allow for the daily greeting (playful roughhousing, shifting body weight, and five minute conditioning stretches) and then Ill prepare the little pup to go outside. Ill attach the necessary amenities (gentle leader, harness or frilly jacket), make sure I have enough doggie bags, fill up the water bowl, adjust my visor and leave the apartment.

Sounds easy enough. And it is easy, as long as we are both in this together. But unfortunately, I can no longer brag about the strength and undying commitment Sammy and I share during this personal and momentous time. Nope, it pains me to say this, but he's become cocky.

Instead of following the tried and true “greet-leash-and-go” routine, Sammy has adopted his own special preparation process that mostly involves him licking himself for 10-15 minutes. Apparently, his adorable face, petite frame and lush, shiny fur have gone to his head, and he has completely forgotten about his obligations.

What happened to us? I still remember spending my afternoons brushing Sammy's fur while we gabbed about dog crushes and bitches. We used to be the best of friends. Now, here I am, the lonely, dedicated walker, patiently waiting, as I watch him burrow further into his nether regions.

Maybe this is all part of the growing up process. Maybe Sammy is feeling the need to stretch his paws and experience the world. (Maybe I’m taking this all too personally.) Whatever it is, we’ve been through too much to throw it all away over a little fight. I’ve got faith that if we work together, we can turn it around. Next week, I’ll sit Sammy down and pose an intervention. If that doesn’t work, I’ll be forced to cancel his weekly pedicure.

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Mirra Fine, is a dog walker and owner of Manhattan-based dog walking company, the New York Pooch Patrol (www.nypoochpatrol.com). She currently writes about her daily "dog happenings" on her blog, http://poochpatrol.blogspot.com. For information on dog walking services or writing questions, contact Mirra at ask@housepetmagazine.com